


Icha Icha Happy Days

by emmykay



Category: Naruto
Genre: Community: kakairu_kink, Crack, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-06
Updated: 2011-11-06
Packaged: 2017-10-25 18:33:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/273440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmykay/pseuds/emmykay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the best of birthdays.  It was the worst of birthdays.  Crackly.  With extra perversions.  Handled incredibly immaturely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Icha Icha Happy Days

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: M.
> 
> Warnings: Crack. Sexual humor. Mentions of random kinks.
> 
> Originally written for a kakairu kink meme prompt located [here](http://kakairu-kink.livejournal.com/704.html?thread=736704#t736704). It has been edited a little since then.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Prompt: _Kakashi is all cut up over a character's demise and Iruka is like, "Wait, WHO died?"_

It had been a very successful birthday party, if Iruka could be so self-congratulatory.

Iruka had been exceptionally happy with the cake - a tower of leaning perfection. The baker had informed him of exactly how long it had taken to match the butter cream to the color sample provided. As well as the number of times it had taken his assistant to get the proportions on the shaft and head just right. But the baker tched, this was what it takes to learn one’s craft.

Iruka nodded with a straight face. It does indeed take a lot of work, sweat, and sometimes downright tears before one can finally get to the cream.

There had been piles of gifts. Always the videos and books and playing cards to add to the media stash; hetero and homo: trans, hermaphrodite, dwarf, oral, anal, ear canal. Then came the piles of other: anime and live action, vomiting school girls, farm animals, lactation, mecha and vehicular, cephalopoidal, botanical. Ironically, there was even sex with vanilla orchids. There were the objects: buttplugs and dildos of various sizes and colors and materials - one special double-header of scientific glass that retained heat. (Iruka was looking forward to trying that one tonight.) Clamps, rings, piercing hardware, leather gear. Stilettos. Wearable edibles, mostly designed for *ahem* not actual wear. Some masks, of course. Aoba was not very imaginative.

It was a good haul.

Some things would, of course, have to be regifted. They weren’t exactly... right for them. Iruka kicked a plushie dolphin and scarecrow into a corner. Maybe if those had come with a studded vinyl harness and anatomically realistic phallus action. Oh, well. Some kid might like it.

Kakashi could be proud of his friends and their thoughtfulness. Proud too, of Konoha’s truly eclectic and superior, some would say connoisseur-quality, collection of porn and fetish shops. Konoha's commercial district strove to excel in this, like all other endeavors it undertook. Such trade, as Tsunade well knew, while not exactly something to put on family-friendly tourist materials, helped pay the bills.

But where was the birthday boy?

Kakashi was usually thrilled by the loot gathered for his day, gleefully stroking the piles of goods gathered in his honor. Iruka couldn’t help but smile in fondness. Greedy bastard.

Where was he, anyway? Iruka frowned as he looked around the party-detritus-strewn apartment. Not in the living room with him, not in the kitchen. He got up and peeked into the bedroom. Nope, not there.

He heard something whining in the bathroom. What was that? One of the ninken?

“No! You fuck! You died!” Kakashi sobbed. There was the sound of something hard hitting the wall with a sharp thud.

Alarmed, Iruka flung open the door, to find Kakashi lying in on the floor, arms thrown over his eyes, kicking his legs in anger. A book lay ignored on the tile floor.

“What’s going on?” Iruka felt his blood chill.

Blinking furiously to cover up the dampness in his eyes, Kakashi straightened. Quickly, he said, “Nothing. Nothing’s happening.”

“Kakashi - “ Iruka could feel his heart pound hard in his chest. “If something is wrong, you have to tell me.”

“It’s nothing,” Kakashi repeated, rubbing at his tear-stained face. “You know what will make me feel better? Looking at all the stuff people bought me.”

“Okay,” Iruka said slowly. “If something is wrong, you would tell me, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, yes.” Kakashi nodded. The honesty shining in the dark silver eye made Iruka’s heart slowly return to normal.

“You scared me.”

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi apologized. He seemed genuinely regretful. He made to stand up and return to the living room.

“Oh! I forgot - “ Iruka gasped. He ran off and came back with a gaily decorated orange and green box. He handed it to Kakashi, now seated on the couch. “My gift to you.”

“Oh, thanks,” Kakashi said, glum once more. “What is it?” But it was without his usual consumerist joy.

“You’ll like it.” Iruka was quite pleased with himself for this most rare of finds.

“No, I won’t,” pouted Kakashi.

“Just open it, for heaven’s sake! You’ll like it.”

Kakashi slowly, grudgingly, opened the box. Iruka smiled and waited for what he knew would be his boyfriend’s eternal gratitude.

The box, once cleared of tissue paper and a cutesy card made of latex, zippers and bits of chainmail and styrofoam, was completely empty.

Iruka felt a growl making its way up his throat. “You opened it early, didn’t you?”

The jig was up. They both knew it. “Yes,” Kakashi admitted.

“You found my gift and opened it early. Even though I asked you specifically to not look for it, to not see it if you stumbled upon it, and if you somehow stumbled upon it and saw it, to not open it.”

“Yes.”

Iruka sighed. He should have seen this coming. This happened every year. Then he smiled. “Did you like the special author’s edition of _Icha Icha Happy Days?_ ”

“No.” Kakashi’s eye filled with tears.

“What? Why? What happened?”

“He - he - he died!”

“Who died?”

Kakashi opened his mouth in a full-on bawl. “Chachi died!”

“Wait - who?”

“Chachi. He had screwed his way across six series, hundreds of women, dozens of men, and even a world-weary waterfowl, but he had to die while saving the life of the beautiful and mysterious Joanie! He loved her soft maidenly ways! She loved his way with words! They had a band together! Their parents despised their match but it was meant to be! A match made in heaven! She ran away to be with him! And - and - and - they didn’t even have a chance to do penetrative anal!”

Iruka gathered Kakashi into his arms. "There, there now. It's all right."

"I know, I know it's silly to be so caught up in a book, but Joanie really loved Chachi! Chachi really loved Joanie! They were meant to be! She saved herself for him! How could Jiraiya do it?" Kakashi sniffled.

"Oh, Kakashi," sighed Iruka, feeling his plans for the evening blown sky-high by this piece of treachery. "There, there now."

Kakashi took a deep shuddering breath.

"Now, what say you to washing your face and getting into your fluffy pajamas and snuggling for a while? Okay?"

"Okay." Kakashi thought a moment. "Can you make me some hot chocolate?"

Iruka nodded. "Of course."

"With marshmallows?"

"Absolutely."

Kakashi smiled. "I love you, my Rurukins."

"Don't call me that! Or no marshmallows!"

"I stiill love you," Kakashi sang on his way to the bathroom, and to recovery. He stopped. "If I brought the book to bed, would you read it to me?"

"If you're sure it won't upset you again," Iruka said, cautious.

"I've got to know how it ends. Please?"

"Okay," Iruka assented. Kakashi disappeared into the bathroom. As long as Kakashi was happy, Iruka was happy.

Kakashi stuck his head out beyond the door frame, eye alight with a burning question. “Do you think you could bring the plushies into bed with us?”

**Author's Note:**

> "chachi" is rumored to be a Korean word for penis. (I don’t believe this, but there you go.) Hence, the supposed popularity of the show "Joanie Loves Chachi" in Korea at the time of its original airing. (I don't believe this either.)


End file.
